Givin it up for lent

So yesterday was pancake day. Que a list as long as a donkeys dick on Facebook where everyone documents their 'superfun' making and eating of fried batter.

Bore off.If you were having that much of a riveting time you wouldn't be thinking of posting about it on Facetits.
But that is another post in itself.

Following Shrove Tuesday is lent, now my limited knowledge of the history of all this is that all the flour, eggs and tasty shit was fried up and eaten the Tuesday before its all given up for lent so Jesus is happy or something.

Not sure how much of this I have made up, if you care that much you should totes wiki it.

Anyway so the subject of what everyone is 'giving up' for lent has come up. Now I feel, much like New Years resolutions that you shouldn't really try to give up something you actually like and enjoy, like bacon, chocolate or porn as there is no point as you won't succeed and everyone needs their guilty pleasures.
Spoke like the true heathen I am.

Anyway you are much better off giving up something that you hate, or don't eat, use, or do anyway.
In this mind frame I present to you my list I have given up for lent...

1. Heroin.
 Don't get me wrong initially it sounds like it could be pretty fun, but in the words of Russell Brand 'Its quite moreish'

2. Dogging.
The thought of two wrinklies going at it while a load of blokes stand about wanking doesn't really appeal. So I can give that up.

3. Baked beans.
These are vile little pods of evil served in the spunk of satan. If there is even a drop of 'bean juice' on a plate of food I wont eat it. So its a pretty easy one for me to give up for lent too.

So there you go. I recs I have this lent shit down.

I'm back.

Yeah you lucky buggers, after my epic stint of 3 posts and a 3 year gap I have returned to the land of blog-dom. 

Im older, married, and still basically love the same things like dying my hair, eating cake and cats. 

So expect more of that yeah. Nice one. 

Lavender state of mind.

For some reason I am currently obsessed with the colour lilac.

Quite where this obsession has come from I am unsure as its not the colour de jour fashion wise (  hues of orange, yellow and red all hot right now if your wondering) but I cant seem to step away from it.

It started with me bleaching the shit out of my hair, and putting one of those violet toners on it.
I wanted my hair to be 'lavender blonde' ( I didn't know the name of it at the time and was calling it old lady purple rinse) With the vague hope of it looking something like this....

HOWEVER... I don't look like the wondrous Rhianna, or Lady Ga Ga or that other randomly gorgeous gal. Unfortunately.
I enjoy troweling on the slap, and my look is more little old lady chic than tasseled batty riders ( I'm looking at you Rhianna)  I was slightly concerned I would look more like this...

Well... as it transpired I didnt even get it as lilac as Dame edna.
It went sort of grey/blue in random patches. I think I will have to wait till I can get my hair a glorious sparkly white before it goes the purple I am so lusting over.

So to feed my addiction I will have to make do with the gorgeous manicure that I had done at Nails at the Painted Lady

http://www.thepaintedladylondon.com

A lovely pastel grape colour. Its chipped now so I wont show you, but it lasted a good week of me flapping my hands about to show it off.

I have also been wearing a giant purple beast of a mohair cardigan ( old school marks and sparks from a chazzer, that label is charity shop gold!)

Not exactly practical in this warm weather, but I am wearing it and sweating none the less.

Basically I look like this...

Mokey is not a fashion icon to be sniffed at.
Now if you will excuse me I have some beetroot to eat as I hear it does wonderous things to  your wee....

The Best cake ever...

Food makes me happy.

And I bloody love cake. I genuinely feel sorry for people who don't understand the wonder of it.
When I am working in the offices in Chancery Lane as I always feel like a deserve a real lunch as I'm working soooo hard ( ovs) and it usually involves a brownie of some description.
Plus there are tons of amazing places in waddle distance ( including lambs conduit street- a world of yum there)
Today I went to Konditor and Cook, now this place knows how to make cake.
I bought a brownie that had CHEESE CAKE baked into it! It was so good I wanted to take a picture and post it, but I inhaled it so fast I didn't get too. Sorry. I nicked one off the website, but its not quite the same.

Good thing I'm working my 40s working girl look today, as these curves are not going anywhere for a while if I continue in this manner.
Apparently good old licky fingers herself Nigella Lawson loves it here, and she looks like a lady who has made her way round a cake or two.

 Go check out there site and pay them a visit- unless your on some kind of miserable restrictive diet in which case maybe look but just lick the computer screen instead.

 http://www.konditorandcook.com/

My love for Fat Alan...

Fat Alan is my cat.
He is chubby, and stupid, and scared of most things.
He hates the noise of plastic bags, sudden movements and being ignored.
I think he might have hypervocalisation.
He makes alot of noise when he isnt being given enough attention, and sometimes when he is.
My friends have pictures of their babies, or boyfriends as their screen saver on their phones, I have a picture of Fat Al.

I like to dress him in clothes, then show the pictures to people when I first meet them and watch the mixture of pity/fear on their faces.

He has a tee shirt that has a tick box on the back that says eat, sleep, poop. He is too fat for it now.

http://iarefatalan.tumblr.com/

I got it from the pound shop.

I also LOVE the pound shop thats a new post entirely.

Hello World

So I have finally decided to join the army of bloggers, in the opinion that my views are interesting and brilliant.
Frankly, I think most people should perceive their views as interesting and brilliant, and if not you need to have a good long hard look at yourself and think about why your self esteem is so low.
Maybe shout at your parents about it.

I chose to name my blog valium as I want I have in the past been branded a piss taking hater, so I need somewhere to keep a nice collection of things that me feel happy and yummy inside, from shoes, to cookies, to awesome things I have seen, to mascara that makes me feel genuinely excited.

This is my valium.